smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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