apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
