READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
