PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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