Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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