Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
its not stalking. its research.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
