we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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