WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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