If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize