he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
