It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
