she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
