Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
