I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it was like eating out sand paper
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
