if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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