I can text with my tongue
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
