I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
