I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
