Kiss
Puke
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
