I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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