U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
