Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize