I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
