Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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