I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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