since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
