Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
