I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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