Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize