Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
