Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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