dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
