he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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