i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
