if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
