in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Randomize
