Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
