my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
