She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
