My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Randomize