I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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