Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
