Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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