I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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