shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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