I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
