I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
