I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
