The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
