Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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