nut hugger
That's intense
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
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