Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
They have beer where we have blood.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i believe in u and ur pee
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