That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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