You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
