That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
