It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
