Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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