I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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