yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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