I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
