How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
