So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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