Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
