The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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