What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
