i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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