grandma shit on top of the toilet
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
