I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
