i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
