You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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