Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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