are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We just shotgunned beers for America
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
