So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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