I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
