make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
