How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
