i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so let's talk penis.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
