Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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