just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize