Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
