Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
